Unpop Culture

Hi, it’s Shannon again. Cap’s wife. Last time I wrote a guest article for Cap, the main thing on my mind was speaking to young wives about discontentment. Many ladies wrote or spoke to me after that post and shared that they’d had the same struggle. So now that Cap’s asked me to write another post, I thought I’d share just how I came to be so passionate about battling discontentment—or in other words, how I almost single-handedly tore apart my marriage, and how God saved my marriage from me. In August 2010 I discovered that, by misusing the Excel template of a friend who was much smarter than I, I had inadvertently been budgeting over $250 more than we could afford to spend monthly. (Math is not my strongest asset.) What’s more, we could not cut enough spending to stay within our affordable range. We had gotten married during the recession, so Cap’s company had a freeze on raises, and my grad school (in English Literature, not budgeting, obviously) hadn’t paid too well. We c...

When you take your wife out to dinner to celebrate your wedding anniversary, you don’t necessarily plan on misspelling her name on her to-go box, taking a leisurely drive through a local cemetery, or filling up your tank at a seedy gas station. All those things did recently happen, and yet Shannon and I still enjoyed the evening. (She also forgave me for the spelling mistake—which is a big deal, coming from an English major.) Yes, this past weekend Shannon and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. The time has both taken forever and flown by. (Not quite sure how that happens.) In this short period, a lot has transpired. I won’t bore you with the details, but I did want to share three things I have learned—or, rather, am still learning—at the outset of this lovely journey called marriage. 1. You can’t rightly love if you can’t rightly see love The more I grow in the Christian faith, the more I see how much of a difference there is between knowing something and belie...

I tend to be a fairly methodical person. When Shannon and I were dating, a close friend of mine asked her, “What does it feel like to have everything planned out three months in advance?” Yes, I’m one of those guys who likes to schedule his spontaneity. And what does a methodical person do to prepare for parenthood? Why, read a small library of child training books, of course. (What a silly question.) After all, plenty of godly men and women have walked the path of parenting before us, so sitting down at their feet seemed like a no brainer. To be sure, our reading proved enormously beneficial. We have discovered some great resources that we’ll return to in the years—heck, decades—to come. We’ve learned many wise principles and practices that will benefit our attempts at child training. But after reading all those books, I decided to turn to the source of all that godly wisdom: the Bible itself. I wanted to compare the words of Scripture with the books we had read to see w...

Hi, I’m Shannon, Cap’s wife. Usually I’m behind the scenes at Happier Far . I edit most posts for grammar and tell Cap he needs catchier titles (I do what I can). I would like to say, though, that I couldn’t be prouder of Cap for the direction he’s taken with his blog. Not only for the literary reference of the title ( Paradise Lost for the win !), but also for the stand he’s taken against sexuality in movies . I think it’s a message that many Christians need to hear —and that too few Christians are willing to speak . But I must say that at the outset, I wasn’t too happy when Cap started thinking we might need to stop seeing films that objectify women . I mean, I wanted to see Star Trek Into Darkness ! I wanted to see Catching Fire ! I teach high school; I need to stay relevant! All my students were seeing them! All my friends were seeing them! But because actresses stripped down in both films, Cap wouldn’t pay to support turning them into sexual objects. Which meant I ...

When Bill Gothard and I posed in front of the camera, I had no idea that I was standing next to a sexual predator. I had just finished two years as a part-time student in Telos Institute International (founded by Gothard), and it was a time of celebration. Fast forward to today, where it has become public knowledge that Gothard has been accused dozens of times over of sexual and emotional harassment. If these accusations are true, which appears likely, it is a tragic series of events. The amount of pain caused by this one man’s abuse of power is absolutely staggering. Even before now, plenty of people have accused members of the Institute in Basic Life Principles (also founded by Gothard) of legalism and cultish behavior. I’ve even seen many people link Gothard’s sexual sin with the doctrines he espouses. I may not be steeped in IBLP culture, but I am familiar enough with it to ask myself this question: does this devastating news about Bill Gothard nullify my own experience with ...

When Shannon and I took our infant daughter to the ER last month, we didn’t plan on a week-long hospital stay. We didn’t plan on days of scary bouts of pertussis-induced apnea. We didn’t plan on getting snowed in at the hospital, nor on me coming down with food poisoning, nor on Shannon developing a sinus infection. It was a comedy of errors, and while we weren’t exactly laughing, we weren’t despairing either: God’s was at work in the midst of our suffering. During our stay in the hospital, we repeatedly had to suction Elanor’s nose out to keep it clear. Sometimes we used an electronic aspirator and sometimes we used a handheld bulb. Each time, Elanor protested the invasion of her sinuses with pitiable vehemence. It was obvious that she didn’t fully understand what was going on and didn’t appreciate the discomfort that came along with her treatments. And in these respects, she reminded me of myself: how I—and, I suspect, many people—relate to God. More specifically, she helpe...

Eliot wasn’t your typical baby. That became obvious in utero. In fact, the doctors told his parents, Matt and Ginny, that Eliot might not even make it to birth. He did make it to birth, but without his feeding tubes and constant supply of oxygen, he was still in danger of dying. Matt and Ginny took shifts so that one person could sleep at night while the other kept watch over Eliot. Even with such dedicated attention, his life remained incredibly fragile. You see, Eliot had a genetic disorder called Trisomy 18 . Only half the children who have this disease are born alive, due to “heart abnormalities, kidney malformations, and other internal organ disorders.” The story of what happened after Eliot’s birth is beautifully captured in what is probably my favorite YouTube video of all time: 99 Balloons , by Igniter Media . It is a poignant and life affirming story. You can watch the six minute film below. Okay, don’t ignore the video and keep readin...

It’s not a pleasant discovery to make when you’re late for work. My heart experienced that sick, sinking feeling as I realized that our car was stuck in the garage with no way to get it out. For some inexplicable reason, I had left the keys in the ignition the night before. Not content with that level of carelessness, my psyche had also decided to leave the keys turned so the battery was engaged—all night long. Our car’s precious energy slowly drained out while Shannon and I slept blissfully unaware. To make matters worse, I had driven forward into the garage the night before, making it impossible for another car to reach our engine with standard length jumper cables. (In my defense, it takes me 20 minutes to safely back the car into the garage without busting through a wall, so I was just saving time and repair costs.) Throughout the day, I was painfully aware of the inconvenience of not having a car. It was, I think, a good illustration of the old adage, “You don’t know...

Looking back, I realize I should have been more aware of what was coming. I had definitely seen enough signs. And yet the true nature of the approaching changes never really struck me—not until reality itself pulled me into its clutches after my daughter’s birth. I guess it’s like they say: there are certain things you just can’t know or understand until you experience them. You see, I was expecting to enjoy my newborn daughter. What I didn’t expect, and what I wasn’t fully prepared for, was being drastically bulldozed over by an overwhelming array of euphoric emotions and paternal affections. Yes, I expected my daughter to be like a heartwarming drink from a fresh fountain of God’s goodness. But I have discovered that fountain to be more like a perpetual geyser. I am soaked to the bone, and being this drenched has never felt so amazingly good. I should have known what was coming when Chloe, my niece, was born and subsequently stole my heart. Being involved in her early lif...

Elliot Sudal’s favorite thing to do is wrestle wild sharks. As of a couple months ago, the 24-year-old claims to have caught and released over one hundred of the deadly fish. The first encounter lasted 45 minutes in the water, finally ending when Sudal dragged the live shark onto the beach. He photographed the animal and then let it go. Each time, he says, the scariest moment comes when he first jumps in the water and grabs the shark with his hands. Because there’s a lot of thrashing about, it’s hard to tell what is what, and the shark’s mouth could easily find its way to his body. Why hasn’t he been bitten yet? Sure, Sudal is a strong guy, but there has to be more to it than that. Sudal has his own theory, but think of what your answer is first. What would be the most logical explanation for why a young man who has wrestled with over a hundred hungry sharks hasn’t been killed—or even bitten? Have your answer? Don’t keep reading until you do. Here’s Sudal’s summary, g...

Inquoris “Inky” Johnson used to play football for the University of Tennessee. But on September 9, 2006, his lifelong plans for the NFL were shattered. During a game against the Air Force, Inky experienced a life-threatening and, ultimately, debilitating injury on the field. He was left with the inability to pursue an athletic career of any kind. Weaker men would have shaken their fist at God and wallowed in the mire of bitterness. But that’s not how Inky responded to his injury. Even though he wakes up each morning with constant pain and a paralyzed right arm, he smiles and embraces life. That’s the response, not of a weak man, but a meek man. 1 In contrast, I’m the kind of guy who becomes agitated if I get behind a slow driver on the freeway. I can respond poorly when my plans—even my minor plans—aren’t fulfilled. That’s why I asked Inky, whom I have come to call my friend, to share a little with me, and the readers here at Happier Far , about what it looks like to trust ...

So there I was, surrounded by church members, my pants wet, my blood boiling. This wasn’t what I needed—at least, that’s what I told myself. The morning had started innocently enough. Shannon and I arrived at our church building later than normal. Because of the pouring rain and the packed parking lot, I said I would drop Shannon off at the front and then go park and bring our Bibles and notebooks in. (After all, with an umbrella and a raincoat at my disposal, my trek across the parking lot wouldn’t be too bad.) Shannon didn’t want me lugging the books in the rain, so she grabbed them before heading into the building. I then parked near the back of the lot and reached for the umbrella. It wasn’t there. Not in the back seat…not in the front seat. Not anywhere. Shannon must have taken it inside with her. Okay. No big deal. I still had my raincoat, and thanks to my memory of a once-watched YouTube video , I had learned the trick to staying relatively dry while traveling ...